Two years later

WOW I'm DEDICATED! I know how to maintain a routine right! So I started this two years ago and then didn't keep it up! Ha that's new year for you! BUT  Hey FAST FORWARD two years and the good news is I did keep my new years resolutions. Though not in the way one might expect. No I am not a guru, or a preacher ex smoker and no there was no magic pills involved oh and I did have to spend some money so the free bit went out of the window a little too! Though I will shed some light on the reasons why. For, despite the hard work,tears and tantrums I have been learning some lessons about... well LIFE =)

Not long after I started this blog, I moved house,back into a shared house and I spend just over a year basically playing and having fun,yep shock horror I said it. I went to work, I came home and I did stuff I felt like doing! Sometimes that meant not a lot, other times I'd practice face painting or go kayaking or to a circus skills night, juggling,dancing, hooping whatever I wanted to! I did this for a while and then I realised I still needed to look at other aspects of my life. I was still suffering from terrible migraines I went to the doctor on so many occasions and to be frank each time I left feeling powerless to my situation. I was also struggling with depression,anxiety and panic attacks. My head was in the shed and my stomach was often bloated and in agony. I knew I had IBS my the doctors answer to that was GOOGLE it and offered me a prescription for Buscapan, which I discovered is actually cheaper over the counter. I was advised to take antidepressants on a number of occasions and whilst I believe this route works for some and I would never say never, each circumstance is different but it is not a route I want to take without exploring other options first. 

Bearing in mind I would say I was in a pretty fragile state at the time I am amazed when I look back that I actually managed to survive. At one point I was unemployed over the summer for 6 weeks and I tell you navigating your way through a boatload of confusing paperwork for job seekers allowance is enough to send any sane person crazy, let alone someone who is suffering from poor mental health.
However some how I managed to navigate this and I got through it. Though it really does make me wonder what about those people who really can't pull it together, I honestly don't know how they would mange this system alone.

After a HUGE WAIT of 6 months I began to see a CBT therapist,who actually really helped. We discussed my symptoms and she explained that anxiety can actually have physical effects too,which I was shocked to realize, anxiety was probably causing my nausea, IBS and migraines. It was all linked. I really couldn't believe that my thoughts could effect me in such an involuntary way. I'm still not sure I do!

My therapist introduced me to worry time, which is a period of the day where you allow yourself to worry. This was tough at first but after a while I found that my general worrying reduced and looked at ways to reduce my stress levels further.  I met my therapist once a week for 6 weeks. Though this did not solve my problems it helped that there was someone who would listen to my woes without judgement. I realised the more I saw her the more I would need her so I decided not to continue and instead began to use a journal to vent my frustrations. Besides, I was already starting to feel stronger. During this time I wanted to carry on writing this blog but I had so many things to contend with and it got pushed aside.