I began my quest 5 days ago. it started with me moping around with the scent of a new year hangover still fresh in the air and the taste of January blues beginning to kick in. I was deep navy blue and my inner critic was busy making myself feel like crap it went something like this.
me: ugh it's new years already and I feel like crap.
inner critic: Yeah just look at you your disgusting.
me: All right, all right I ain't that bad
Inner critic: Ugh three stone in three years that's a serious fat arse problem girl.
me: Yes, OK, your totally right I'm disgusting, I'm awful I'm never going to get a job. Who would employ me.
Inner critic: That's right who would you may as well curl up and die now.
Me: Much wailing under bed covers is heard.
This inner monologue is a constant battle with my self but this time I am not going to loose. ( my inner critic says I should write try not to loose but i am ignoring the little witch. The mind is a powerful thing and god I've read so many self help books I could probably write my own!I've been to the my G.P who watched me cry and dribble my woes for two minutes and then handed out a prescription for antidepressants, which I refuse to take. The problem is it's easy to be swept along by what you should do, you forget to take a moment to think hang on. What do I want to do? Anyway, after my miserable inner critic slagging match, I had a good talking to myself and decided the tried and testing weekend binge drinking, overeating method sure ain't making me happy just poor and fat. Hence I'm gonna have to do it the hard way and work my big butt off. I mean let's face it I ain't getting any younger and a stone a year is gonna put me at around 20 stone by the time I'm 35.. Now that shit's scary! I'd just like to add by the way that the mind or rather my mind is one that is totally addictive,obsessive and depressive so for this to work is going to take proper mind altering focus to the highest degree. I don't know how I will cope in social situations, or when I fall off the waggon. I'm not kidding my self this is not going to be pretty. I have not been involved in proper exercise consistently for over 5 years and even then that was a half arsed gym membership.
So my first baby step is to see what fitness is available locally and to swap Sainsburies in favour of shopping at Lidl's!Wahoo!
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